Create a wild space in your heart.
A space for you, just as you are.
Just open sky for miles.
Is it safe? No.
Wild spaces never are.
But it is so beautiful.
I've been thinking about the practice of creating wild spaces. Not the kind we find outdoors - though defending those spaces is dear to me as well.
I believe all of us have a lush, full, crazy wild expanse within us. I believe we have a landscape that rivals the most beautiful places we can experience here on earth. But recently I've discovered that I've chosen to build a box, step inside, and forsake the wilderness.
This box was built wall by wall with the beliefs of what I am not. Every time I was made to feel small and I bought in - I built a wall. Whenever I was told I'm not enough, and I accepted that - I built a wall. With every "you're not wanted" that I defined myself by - I built a wall. And soon, amidst a wild landscape that was so unapologetically me, I found myself boxed in. I told myself that it was just safer that way. Gosh... isn't that the grandest lie?
Because with every day that passed, the wild space outside started to fade. Things started to gray. I forgot. I forgot who I was. And yes, that box - the limitations that I put on who I was - may dull the sharp pain of rejection and shame, but it dulls joy right alongside it. I may not have been subject to the pains of the wild, but I sure as hell wasn't able to experience the beauty.
I don't know the solution to this problem other than simply stepping outside that box. I say "simply," but really, it isn't all that simple. It's terrifying. Because owning that wilderness inside means becoming who I truly am. And that means leaving myself exposed. But, if I learn that my worth isn't dependent on the feedback of others and I surround myself with loving, supportive people (which I am lucky enough to have in Rion and others in my life), then maybe I can enjoy the true freedom that comes with just being myself. Maybe I can let go of that box that kept me safe and suffocated. Maybe I can allow my soul to be truly wild - the way it was created to be.
Have you ever found yourself in a time of life where you realized you weren't being true to yourself?
Comments will be approved before showing up.